Five myths about grief

Your experience of grief is not determined by your gender. Many factors influence how you feel, such as your relationship with the person who has died, the circumstances surrounding their death, and your personal situation. While women are often more open about expressing their emotions – partly because society tends to be more accepting of this – that openness does not mean grief affects them differently. 

Grief does not determine the sequence in which people experience the various stages of grief and loss. It’s quite common for people to move through these different emotions and feelings and sometimes, to miss a stage altogether. 

Grief is our reaction to loss. It’s not an indication of strength or weakness. The crying that’s often associated with grief is not a weakness either. So called 'emotional tears' contain stress hormones and other toxins which are extracted from the body through crying. That’s why it's so important to cry when you feel like it. 

The passage of time does not automatically dissipate the strength of grief. It allows us to process and adapt to our loss which leads to better understanding and coping with it. With time, we learn the different effects of grief, its signs and triggers. It enables us to develop coping mechanisms and the ability to live with our loss. 

We experience grief in different ways, but we assume that it has the same effect on everyone. But our experience of grief is as diverse as we are and that’s why there are different models of grief. They give you a good idea of what to expect after the loss of a loved one, but they can’t predict its effect on you. Remember that next time someone tries to define your grief or tell you that “you will be over it in six months”. 

Please read our guide on coping with grief and loss or more information. 

We offer grief help and support through the National Bereavement Service's (NBS) webchat. It is a free online service which connects you to a trained advisor. 

NBS has a wide network of contacts within organisations providing support to bereaved people. They will explain your choices and help you decided what would be most helpful for you and how to contact them. 

The service is available Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm and Saturday 10am to 2pm and you can reach NBS by clicking on the chat box at the bottom of this page. 

Mark Welkin is the author of three grief books and a journalist who has worked for various media outlets in Europe and Asia. He lost his long-term partner in 2014 and a few months later, Mark turned to a grief counsellor for help. The results inspired him to share his experience and help other bereaved people to resume life after the loss of their loved ones.

Visit markalexndr.com to discover more about his guides on grief.

More support around grief and bereavement.